I write a bit about some of my understandings of the (my) main approach; the person centred approach (PCA), or Rogerian therapy, sees understanding the client’s unique experience and inner world as essential to effective therapy.
Sometimes, ones own feelings and experiences can be almost intolerable to live with.
It might not be the situation you find yourself in that is distressing; it might be the feelings these experiences bring up and out which is so uncomfortable. If on top of this, you are questioning the validity and realness of your own distress, this can be especially painful. This phenomenon is what I think PCA is particularly helpful with.
Likewise, being unable to connect with self can be so unbearable that eventually connection (with something, anything) can get to feel essential. This can be where people might find they are struggling with relationships, isolating, or using coping strategies they’d rather not be using.
Sometimes, this disconnect and confusion can be what leads people to therapy (maybe being unsure where else to go).
It can be hard be unsure of your own experience of your own life, feelings, and of the people around you. It can be tempting to look for external support in making sense of what’s happening. In the age of AI, and (external) answers at our fingertips more than ever before – this checking in with an external source could be making connection with self even more of a challenge.
And possibly make therapy feel even more strange than it would’ve in the past?
It can be uncomfortable to realise that something is causing pain. Especially if you are unable to come away from that situation (yet, or ever). There might even be a stage where you’re not quite sure where the pain is; and if it is there, whether it’s even allowed. There can be something powerful in acknowledging what is happening, at least with/for yourself. Becoming more aware of reality as reality is (at least for you). Processing the feelings that come up around what is being discovered, when the time is right, and in a way that works for you, and I suppose to some extent, with the therapist you’ve chosen.
PCA offers that doing this emotional work within the context of a supportive therapeutic relationship is what allows for personal change and growth. The change doesn’t have to mean action – the change might be internal, and around how you allow yourself to feel (and ‘process’) what is being understood.
Becoming familiar with your own thoughts, feelings and ‘knowing’ can be difficult. And yet, it is often (I would say intuitively, maybe almost always) more manageable than the discomfort of not trusting your own understanding.
A good therapist might support you to become comfortable with ‘owning’ what is coming up for you and help you with understanding and allowing for your own understanding. Part of this might be by helping you separate your ‘own knowing’ from things you’ve picked up about yourself from others. Maybe society, families, partners, or mentors.
Your connection with your own voice and feelings can be a powerful part of the therapy.
How can it be ‘work’?
It can be challenging turning up when you want to cancel – making time and space for yourself. Looking at and bringing parts of your week you might rather ignore. Maybe listening to different (more hidden or maybe even ‘unwanted’) sides to yourself isn’t always easy.
It’s understandable to have taken on views of yourself and who you are, from others (and the world). And person centred therapy can lead to challenging some of the understandings you had about who you are – or some ‘re-understandings’.
You may have been seeking feeling better based on what society, or information sources say; now more than ever, it can feel especially challenging to connect with your own inner knowing. And on deciding what feels right for you, as defined by you.
Sometimes PCA is about bringing emotions toward the therapist, to the therapist, and trusting them with this. It might be correcting when something was misunderstood. Maybe it will be deciding that the therapy isn’t right for you, and leaving in some way; maybe you come back, and maybe you don’t.
Person centred therapy involves a therapist being in-touch with where they are, who they are, in order to meet the client effectively (where they are).
Experiencing a relationship where you can be you can be very powerful. And it’s the relationship you build with your therapist over time that can provide the safety to explore things you might not have yet been able to.
In a world of screens and ai chat, therapeutic connection (and PCA) might be more useful, and also more different, than ever before.
The above is my own writing on some of my thoughts on PCA, suffering, growth, and therapy more generally and is not a replacement for therapy, counselling, medical or mental health support
